America the Difficult
I've grown up my whole life being told I'm emotional. In teacher conferences my parents were told I should go into acting because I was dramatic.
In middle school, I was told to stop being so emotional, I'm just a teenage girl, it's just how she is.
In high school, I started maturing, accepting that I wear my heart on my sleeve and it's just who I am. I chalked it up to empathy and compassion and told myself that's part of the reason I'd be good in missions.
In college, someone finally sat down with me and confessed, "you just feel. you just feel everything, so strongly, so deeply." and so far, that's the most honest thing I've heard.
My personality type is fairly rare. I'm a true INFJ, an outgoing introvert. I worry about anything and everything, am determined to succeed, and have a taste for adventure. It's an interesting mix for sure, but I've managed alright so far.
I'm creative, but it's natural for me to categorize everything into boxes in my head, make it all nice and neat. Process, sure, but quickly. I want to pick it apart until it makes sense to me and then move on. If I dwell on something, it's still not for long. I've got other things I'm already dealing with in my head.
I've been back from Africa for less than a week, and though the jet lag has worn off and the effects of air conditioning and glories of toilets and ice were short lived,
this processing thing is painful. And I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it.
Now, DISCLAIMER, I know I was only there for two months, I know there are people who do this full time (I hope someday to be one of them), and they are so brave. I am in no way trying to make it sound like I did any more than I have, but anything that radically different from what you're used to, is bound to shake you up a little bit.
I'm standing out here, on a cliff of First World, with people I love and things I adore and I'm trying to reinsert myself back into what I'm "used to". I'm trying to figure out exactly how I've been effected and changed by Africa and what I'm supposed to do with it now.